Identity theft at university may lead to television fame
To the person who recently lost mine and 16,000 other students’ personal information on a USB drive: No hard feelings, all right?
I’m sure by this point, if you haven’t already left the country, you’re probably hanging your head. That’s understandable. I would, too. But if you happen to not be enjoying the back country of Mexico with Juan, your personal driver, I want to bestow some advice and encouragement for you (from one forgetful person to another). Because someone brilliant once said that to err is human even when identity theft is at stake – or something like that.
First and foremost, we’re not mad. In fact, what came to my mind were the Citibank commercials. You know, where the little old grandma is talking in a much deeper male voice about all of the accessories she just bought for her low rider vehicle? She’s obviously a credit card theft victim. Grandmas in low riders. That’s comedy. I can’t help but laugh. And I’m sure I’m not alone, so thank you for making us smile.
Next, have you considered getting one of those beeper key chains to help locate lost items? I’m sure there’s an easy way to attach it to a USB drive and it would come in handy next time you’re downtown. Because let’s face it: no one goes to the bar without their USB drive for fear of not being able to save some highly personal data. And I mean no one.
Now when searching for the lost item, naturally you should check the least likely of places like dog dishes, underwear drawers, maybe the oven. I’m a top-shelf-of-the-freezer kind of gal myself. I leave my keys there all the time and I have no clue why. Actually, you should go check your freezer now.
Lastly, while I realize letters were sent notifying us about this fun situation through our ever-dependable post office system, I was wondering if you could pass on a message to the person responsible for student announcements sent via mass e-mail. My concern is that I don’t think they know about this security breach. They practically saved my life when they warned of dangerous bear sightings near campus around 6 a.m. – if I were a fan of 6 a.m. jogs, that is. So when were they planning on telling me about how my social security number could be in the hands of a creep somewhere who’s going to buy hydraulics for his low rider? They must be on vacation, perhaps in Mexico?
Either way, I hope you found this helpful and I appreciate you’re listening to me. It’s probably not as bad as everyone is making it out to be, anyway. And who knows? I might even be thanking you after my television debut on a Citibank commercial sends me to stardom. In which case, I’ll have my agent call you. Maybe send a fruit basket. You like fruit, right?
Krystal Bick is a columnist for The Nevada Sagebrush. She can be reached at editor@nevadasagebrush.com
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