Insincere conversations too common for comfort
Next time someone asks how you are, tell them how you’re feeling. Give them an honest response.
One thing I guarantee you hear at least three times a day is a conversation that goes like this:
“Hi, how are you.”
“Good, how are you.”
“Good.”
Grammatically, you’ve probably noticed one thing about this discourse: It lacks question marks. Now I know what you’re thinking, “No question marks? This is an outrage!” That’s because they’re not questions. They’re pseudo-questions. They’re wannabes. They’re a ubiquitous half-assed attempt at feigning sincerity.
If one doesn’t follow the conversation according to the script, people are taken aback. If you have the audacity to actually give some thought into the question, you’re rewarded with curious looks and impatient glares.
Maybe this is my naiveté, but when I ask someone how they’re doing, perhaps there is a chance that I actually care and that my inquiry actually has a hint of sincerity, curiosity, or dare I say compassion.
You see, when you hurl back an immediate “Good, how are you,” I don’t hear those words.
Rather, I hear “I don’t believe you give a rat’s ass, so I’m not going to tell you how I’m doing at the moment, Memo. If you actually care how I’m doing, I’m going to make you work harder to find out.”
Next time someone asks how you are, tell them how you’re feeling. Give them an honest response. Judging from their body language and facial expressions while you answer their question, you’ll be able to tell instantaneously whether or not they really give a damn and if there’s actually a capacity of having a meaningful relationship with that person.
I believe our culture lacks compassion. Have we all become programmed to answer such responses with a “Good, how are you” as a social reflex as instinctive as our foot flinging outward when a doctor taps our knee with that little tomahawk?
We all have this callous assumption that everyone else has better things to do with their time than to take a minute to listen to what’s going on in our lives and to listen to our wants and needs.
So when you see me and I ask how you’re doing, I would prefer to hear an honest straightforward response, whether it be a “I’d rather swallow a knife than engage in this discourse right now” or a “Why golly, I just had the most amazing weekend. I’m about to tell you all about it,” than to hear an insincere response and simultaneous pseudo-question squished into a four word sentence.
Memo Sanchez is a columnist for The Nevada Sagebrush. He can be reached at editor@nevadsagebrush.com.
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