Prepare for the Big One with shoes and a significant other
Monday, Apr. 28, 2008 @ 10:58 pm
Western Nevada is a seismic zone similar to Los Angeles and we’re due for a 6.0 or greater earthquake.
Yeah, you read me. Is anyone else a little worried here? I can take small, little rumblings from time to time, but if I have to watch the new student union crumble, especially after I paid my $90-per-semester fee, I’ll be an unhappy girl.
In light of the recent stint of baby earthquakes that have been hitting north-western Nevada, I think there has been a major misconception as to what a 6.0 mama earthquake would feel like.
On the Richter scale, a 6.0 earthquake is considered destructive in areas up to 100 kilometers across. So if Reno goes down, I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles, Sparks, Fallon, Fernley, oh and you too, Carson City.
Lucky for you, however, I’ve prepared a list of necessary precautions for when the Big One hits. While some may be a bit over the top, it’s better to be safe than swallowed whole into the gaping depths of the earth.
First of all, being around tall buildings is a big a no-no. The last place you want to be is walking around downtown Saturday night slightly intoxicated when the Silver Legacy starts to sway. It might scare away the creep that thinks you’re tired because you’ve been running through his mind all day, but it won’t let you live to see graduation.
Next, wear comfortable shoes. In any end-of-the-world movie I’ve ever seen, people run. I recommend some good cross-training shoes (maybe New Balance or some Asics), preferably with adequate sole support. The last thing you want is to cramp up because your feet are not properly balanced.
Do not, I repeat, do not wear heels, ladies. You will only regret it later when you’ve twisted an ankle and debris is rampantly falling faster than the guy who preaches in front of the library can tell you that you’re going to hell.
After you’ve run away and found a safe area to rest with a strong interior frame, you’re going to need supplies. Start carrying a backpack, keeping with you non-perishable foods, a Swiss army knife for hunting and a radio transmitter to contact others when the destruction has subsided.
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, pair up with your significant other. If you don’t have a significant other, find a person you think you could tolerate for a little while until you can start repopulating the earth. Use your good judgment – the fate of the human population may be depending on you.
Those tips aside though, I want to take this chance to let all of you know that you’ve been great. It’s not often that you get a chance to let people know how you really feel about them and, well, this columnist couldn’t ask for more.
You’ve tolerated me thus far so I want to say thanks and God willing, if we make it through the Big One, I would be honored to share the destructed Earth with you guys.
May peace be with you and be safe out there.
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