College proves to be a hookup and flirtation haven for all students
College is a unique, wonderful place where everyone is around the same age and share common interests.
And what about education and the passion for learning?
No, young grasshopper. College is about sex! When you throw a bunch of 18- to 24-year-olds together, what do you think is going to happen? Study and movie nights? That’s what your RA wants you to think.
Of course, there are those who are abstinent and we should all respect their decision. I once went on a few dates with a guy who told me “sex is for marriage.” I died a little on the inside (of laughter) and then moved on.
Sex is what we do in college. We listen, respect other points of view and then move on to bigger and better hookups.
College is the only place where you can flirt with an athlete, woo a pale video gamer and lust after a Greek all within one week. And all of these people, if you live in the dorms, are literally right down the hall at your disposal. These new people should be experimented with, just as you are seen as someone to be experimented with as well. This is the right time to test the waters when it comes to dating, discovering who you are, who you want to be and who you want to be with.
However, I’m not suggesting that you make your way down the halls of Argenta, “testing the waters” with a new girl or guy every night. This might get a bad reaction from potential friends if you try to hone in on their athlete or video gamer. There are better ways to go about meeting potential mates than soliciting yourself like you’re selling fundraiser candy.
If you’re wondering about a foolproof method of attracting the guy or girl of your dreams, I will tell you about it right now. When you see your potential target sitting in class, the DC or even in the middle of the quad, casually but confidently sit down next to them, flash a smile and say something that no one can disagree with. Try saying something like “Isn’t that ice cream good?” or “Doesn’t that homework suck?”
Continue this pursuit with another easy conversation such as “Do you like Family Guy? I have the entire collection on DVD in my dorm room. We could watch it some time!”
And voila! Let your first college hookup begin.
Now take note, of course, that waking up one morning in someone’s twin-sized bed with their roommate snoring five feet away from you does not make them your boyfriend or girlfriend. That is a whole different lesson saved for a whole different article.
But who wants a serious relationship right now, anyway?
Now is the time to have fun, meet as many people as possible and have the time of your life.
Just be sure to pick up a few free condoms in the waiting room of the Student Health Center when you get a chance.
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August 26th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Seriously, if someone hasn’t mentioned it yet sometime during her many semesters of thoroughly inspired, informative journalism, it has to be mentioned that Karah should really think about getting another picture taken because she looks like quite the vapid bimbo in this one, what with that blank stare and everything.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Wonderful article. College is really about just hooking up with any piece of meat that you come across. The hookup lasts 1 night, the herpes lasts forever. If you are looking for that hookup I’m sure Ms. Lucas is just a call away and ready to provide her services to anyone that will listen, or at least pretend to, and tout her as a literary genius and relationship guru. As far as the previous comment I don’t think any picture could remove the look of a “vapid bimbo,” its part of the package deal.
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
You seem frightenly adamant about “wooing pale video gamers.” And then you say:
“Sex is what we do in college. We listen, respect other points of view and then move on to bigger and better hookups.” Do you walk around with your pants unbuttoned or what? It’s one thing not to be troubled by inhibitions. That seems healthy. But it’s quite another to be someone who’s had more sweaty nameless strangers inside her than the Statue of Liberty. That’s just gross and shows low self-esteem and likely close to horrible hygiene. Is that your p—y or a petri dish? Come on! Any girl who a line like “Isn’t that ice cream good?” or “Doesn’t that homework suck?” would work on is either 11-years-old or has already been hollowed out by science. It sounds as though you’ve had a sexual lobotomy yourself. You don’t have to be abstinent, but self-respect is sexier in a woman than open legs and a cum spittoon set up next to her pillow. Maybe that’s just me.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I wonder what these comments would look like if it this article was written by a guy…