Campus life hyperbole fails horribly
College comedy disappoints predecessors
“College” relies on dildo-using frat guys, pissing midgets and glow-in-the-dark dick wars to make people laugh. The most pathetic part is that it has almost nothing to do with college and is undeniably one of the worst movies ever made.
From left to right, Kevin Covais, Drake Bell and Andrew Caldwell linger around, dressed like dorks.
Kevin (Drake Bell, “Superhero Movie”), Carter (Andrew Caldwell, “Drillbit Taylor”) and Morris (Kevin Covais, “American Idol: Season 5”) are three high school students nearing graduation. At the end of the year Kevin and Morris decide to take a trip to the local college as prospective freshman. Carter, the group’s goof-off, decides to tag along to make sure the boys have some fun. Upon arrival, Carter coerces the other two to spend their time at a rundown fraternity instead of on campus. During the next three days, each one of them will learn the benefits and miseries that lie ahead in the so-called “college life.”
When a film as bad as “College” comes around, one begins to wonder where to lay the blame. Is it the cast’s fault? The writers? Or is it the director’s doing that turned such a simple and amusing premise into a catastrophe? In this case, all of the above is the correct answer.
Five minutes into the film, the last glimpse of originality comes during the opening credits. As soon as Carter comes to meet Kevin at his house, it becomes clear that the rest of the film is going to be based around the “Superbad” concept, only in a different setting.
While Bell manages just fine as the smart guy trying to figure out his future, it is Caldwell who destroys the “fat friend” role. With such lines as, “I’ll give you $5 to fart in a can for me!” and “On a scale of 1-10, boobies are a 9,000!” he instantly becomes more annoying than Carlos Mencia making Mexican jokes.
All that leaves is Covais, otherwise known as the American Idol reject “Chicken Little”, to play the role of McLovin. In his first feature film role, Covais does a great job of assuring himself a healthy career as the small nerd who will never get any respect. For supposedly being the smart one of the group, he loses all respectability when he proceeds to drink punch that has obviously been spiked and yet believes the guy that tells him it is alcohol-free.
“College” tries too often to be humorous through gross-out comedy, but most of the pranks are just plain revolting. Some examples include drinking liquor from a hairy man’s ass crack and cleaning a toilet overflowing with diarrhea. Sadly, those two scenes don’t even come close to being as disturbing as the fact that a woman (Deb Hagen) directed this sausage fest fraternity film. Where in the hell did this lady go to college and what exactly did she do while there?
Like all other teen angst movies, the nerds get their say in the end. Revenge highlights include deflating the frat houses’ blow-up dolls and feeding a pig laxatives before letting it roam throughout the house. Oh, and who could forget the classic superglue the toilet seat trick?
If you value your time and money like any good college student should, stay away from this film at all costs.
‘College’
Release Date: Aug. 29
Director: Deb Hagen
Starring: Drake Bell, Andrew Caldwell and Kevin Covais
Genre: Comedy
Rating: R for pervasive, crude and sexual content, nudity, language, drug and alcohol abuse
Grade: F
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008 at 1:21 am and is filed under Arts & Entertainment, Film Reviews, Vibe.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Print this post
Email this post© 2008 The Nevada Sagebrush
