The Nevada Sagebrush

First of all, thanks for keeping up the regular exercise. Brain won’t stop talking about those endorphins (as you’re probably aware) and Lungs and Heart are completely elated when you’re firing on all cylinders on the treadmill and in the lap pool. In the long run, the improved blood flow makes all of us organs happier.

Kidney, on the other hand, is pissed. He says you need to stop mega-dosing on protein.

In between the whey shakes, the copious amounts of chicken and tuna and the pre-bedtime snack, you’re giving Kidney a workout he might not be able to handle in a few years. We can only handle so much protein at one time down here, you know?

Kidney is busy enough trying to keep your blood volume levels, blood pH and ion concentrations in check, which was a little hard after all those Jager shots you took earlier.

On a lighter note, Heart was ecstatic after you joined that intramural soccer team. He had only one complaint. I think it was something about an Awful Awful burger one night and some pesky low-density lipoproteins (LDLs) moving in.

But ever since you’ve been off those antibiotics and eating oatmeal every morning, Colon’s convinced he’s the healthiest he’s ever been. But if you ask me, I think he’s full of shit.

Oh, and all these lively white blood cells that work hard for your immune system running around here have quite the bone to pick with you about this game you call “beer pong.”

Apparently, all hell breaks loose with these cells when you drink this bacteria-riddled beer. Though they’ve mentioned they’re building up quite the collection of memory cells, chances are you’re going to eventually catch something from this game. If you’re lucky, it might be something minor like strep throat. Just a heads-up, though, they’ve been seeing some microbes known to you as “the clap” which were trying to settle in your mouth and throat area as well. How’d that get into your beer anyway?

Lastly, I don’t mind cleaning up shop around here after a few drinks, I can handle that. Just make sure you eat something beforehand. That way Stomach and I have a little more time before we’re inundated with alcohol.

Oh, and sorry about last weekend. Brain ordered Stomach to send the alcohol back.

Those bed sheets were ugly anyway. Aren’t you a little old to have dinosaurs on them? Ah, what do I know? I’m just a liver.

Sincerely,

Liver

Memo Sanchez is a columnist for The Nevada Sagebrush. He can be reached at editor@nevadasagebrush.com.