The guide to dealing with an obnoxious UNLV fan
Photo by Amy Beck/Nevada Sagebrush
Nevada students, this weekend when you travel to Las Vegas, try to avoid the glitz and ditz of a city fallen off the materialistic cliff. It won’t be easy to hold back your anger and not punch the guy spouting douche bag comments at you across the beer pong table after the game.
Terms like “hella, “fa sho” and the overuse of “awesome” will be difficult to dodge. Just remember these people are not like us. They are bred to move straight from college and into the gambling industry. They may think they are getting a degree in “journalism,” but they are actually learning the fastest way to deal a deck of cards.
I consider myself an expert in UNLV Student Activities. I spent seven years of my life immersed in the Las Vegas culture. Going to Palo Verde High School, I observed the students and took extensive notes.
That’s why I put together this guide to help Nevada students after they make the 450-mile trip to Sin City this weekend.
Alcohol Dominance
UNLV students are literally allergic to booze. Once they start drinking they can’t stop and quickly revert to falling face first on the nearest couch with their shoes on.
This is helpful insight for any Nevada student. Wolf Pack fans should competitively drink with UNLV fans. It’s the easiest way to avoid hearing that obnoxious UNLV student boasting about how even though the Rebels lost, they still have already surpassed their highest win total since 2003. Trust me, that blabbing on and on about Frank “The Tank” Summers will soon die off when they are puking in the backyard into a cactus bowl.
Don’t talk about tark
There are a million and one ways to make fun of a UNLV fan. Revisiting former UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian’s record shouldn’t be one of them.
Dissing UNLV’s old basketball coach, who was fired for cheating in the early-90s, is no longer as trendy as making fun of football coach Mike Sanford’s 9-30 overall record with the Rebels. Besides, UNLV’s basketball program had another cheating coach a few years later in Bill Bayno, so its kind of a school tradition. This week make fun of UNLV’s poor rush defense, not Tark.
Things to do for a laugh
Talk politics — of any kind. UNLV students don’t know Barack Obama from Orville Redenbacher. Usually UNLV students will do anything to get out of a political conversation, but when Nevada students are around they feel obligated to approach an intellectual dialogue. They know U.S. News and World Report has ranked them in the fourth, and final tier, of its list of best public schools in the nation. That is why they feel the need to defend their scholarly honor as a college student. Don’t laugh at them. Just allow them to continue to make asses of themselves. This can make for a good drinking game. Every time a UNLV student states a misinformed political comment, take a sip of your beer. Don’t take a shot — I learned that the hard way.
Most importantly, Nevada fans should be respectful this weekend. This rivalry is sacred to the state and there is no reason fans should turn into rowdy hooligans. If a UNLV student is pissing you off, go to his house party after the game and show him up in a game of beer pong. Take your anger out on the table, not on his face.
Emerson Marcus is the sports editor of The Nevada Sagebrush. He can be reached at emarcus@nevadasagebrush.com
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on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 at 1:05 am and is filed under Football, Sports, UNLV Special Section.
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September 25th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Haha! Not only will they lose at the game but they will lose on the Pong tables as well. FUNLV