Voting antics trouble busy student
With the inordinate amount of stairs to hoist my bike up and the intoxicating co-eds who lure me off my intended path, going to class is an Olympian feat.
However, during the past few weeks, an insidious group of nefarious ne’r-do-wells have infiltrated campus to ruin my goal of moving across school with as little human contact as possible.
These people would make Hitler’s/Godzilla’s/Lex Luthor’s evil three-way lovechild look as squeaky clean as the Power Rangers. These freaking pinko, un-American bastards are goddamn political activists.
For the past few weeks no student could go more than two feet without being asked, “Are you a registered voter in Washoe County?” In the real world, the correct answer is a short and polite “no.” Usually when these petitioners realize you are an unregistered, nonvoting drain on society they move on to their next victim.
Yet with the upcoming election, the rules of the game have changed. We are not dealing with petitioners anymore, my friends. It is an animal of different spots, but just as dangerous: the voter registrar.
Now the default “no” just gets one into more trouble. The Obama people are trying to capitalize on the hypnotic hold he has on our nation’s youth to counter the amount of senior citizens voting against him in fears he might be the devil. Dozens of registrars have flooded campuses across the nation.
This simple “no” would then tie one up in either a few extra seconds of explanation that they have registered or, God forbid, the exchange of ink onto paper. A voter registration form, I’ve heard, can take up to a full minute to complete. And between our rock music and video games, I am not sure that is time my generation can afford.
The voter registration game became simple enough. I learned the correct responses to get them off my back. Then a week ago, the whole dynamic changed again. The registrars have been subtly replaced with petitioners again. It’s like I was playing a game of chess, someone knocked over the board and now I’m boxing.
I am now asked if I am a registered voter at least three times when I go to the bathroom.
With these different inquisitors on campus, it’s hard to figure out the socially acceptable way to deal with these people besides the unthinkable — talk to them.
Students could always ride their bikes around campus and just zoom by these people like I try to do. But some students may not have the fortitude to take this option since the University of Nevada, Reno is the place the devil sends sinning bikers to agonizingly wait out eternity.
Defense tactics include pepper spray, screaming , running away and my favorite, a spinning jump kick to the temple. We could sign a petition to ban such solicitations on campus, but then we’d be no better.
Clint Demeritt is a columnist for The Nevada Sagebrush. He can be reached at cdemeritt@nevadasagebrush.com
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