The Nevada Sagebrush

Well, it’s official; I think Miley Cyrus just figured out Web design.

Or at least, that’s what I thought when “Juicy Campus” popped up on my screen the other day thanks to an overeager, gossipy friend.

So I read on.

“Juicy Campus: It’s like crack, but juicier. Always anonymous, always juicy.”

I didn’t know what to cringe about more at this headline — crack used as a simile or someone out in cyber space actually chuckling over that literary gem.

And yep, you guessed it. The official gossip Web site  allows users to post anonymous rants, love confessions and, hell, even their so-called sexual escapades with professors. All this has come to our little campus on a hill, adding to the nearly 500 total campuses nationwide.

Unfortunately, while the Web site looks innocent enough with chat groups similar to that of Facebook or even MySpace, I have come to realize that our generation does not know how to form complete sentences.

Blame the influx of television viewing, texting or even President Bush’s No Child Left Behind, but the fact remains that “LOL” is increasingly becoming a proper verb and the contraction “you’re” is the hardest word to spell in the English language.

If you wouldn’t mind, please direct your attention to a little something I like to call “Mindless girl on a rant.”

A Nov. 9 Juicy Campus post in regards to “guys on campus” reads: “omg thats so messed up. its just cauz guys at this age want to fuck around and do nothing but party.”

Profound and articulate. I think I cried a little at this heartfelt confession. But her argument aside, I’m not sure how “omg” or “cauz” helps you save time while typing on a computer. And apostrophes? I know they’re hard to find sometimes, but I promise, they’re always right there next to the “Enter” key.

Take a moment to find it now. I’ll wait.

Next on the hit list: the exclamation point.

On Oct. 24, someone posted a response that reads: “that’s so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

In case you were wondering, and I know you were, that’s 38 exclamation points.

Now, I’m not quite sure what was so damn true, but may I suggest next time, try out an “amen” or “snap!” for emphasis. Don’t make me go blind by looking at that much punctuation. One or two will suffice, but please use sparingly.

And last, but certainly not least: the classic subject-verb agreement mix-up. One posting from Oct. 18, under the heading “Coffin and Keys” reads: “Who is members?”

Well, even if I did know a member of Coffin and Keys, I don’t want to tell you now for fear of your horrible grammar and, well, plain stupidity.

Please don’t get me wrong here. I like abbreviating words just as much as the next text messager. And apparently, even New Zealand gave the thumbs up to  students using “textspeak” on national exams, arguing that students shouldn’t be penalized for their dialect. But really, guys?

Does anonymity really make our minds go to mush and try to find different ways to cut vowels out of words and type LOL even though 99 percent of us aren’t even smiling at the time? Or are we just kind of lazy?

Krystal Bick  is a columnist for The Nevada Sagebrush. She can be reached at kbick@nevadasagebrush.com.