The Nevada Sagebrush

Krystal Bick

This past St. Patrick’s Day, a group of friends and I were playing a few drinking games at someone’s house when I suddenly heard a loud ringing so shrill, I thought I was going to puke my last car bomb. (Rest assured, I didn’t).

OK, I thought, either I am suffering from a sporadic concussion that my health insurance will likely not cover, or someone is messing with me.

That’s when I saw the iPhone come out while my friend Nate explained his latest application, which rings at a high pitch designed to clear out unwanted house guests (and probably any stray dog within a five-mile radius).

Aside from feeling unwanted, I was nevertheless surprised and shocked to realize that the touch of a button could wield such power.

Our so-called smart phones have the capability to tell us where we parked our cars, where we should grab lunch with coworkers, how to prepare crème brûlée and what our reading assignment is for core humanities.

But is it really making us smarter or just more impatient and attached to something shiny and pretty? Here’s a rundown of some of the most popular and most blogged about iPhone applications, aiming to save the world or at least distract us from it.

Crazy Disco

The name says it all. Shiny, rotating disco ball to serve as a conversation starter. Although the conversation might start off well with “You wanna see my disco ball?”a swift slap to the face or kick to the groin may follow, depending on the mood.

iBeer

Once said iPhone owner recovers from the slap and/or kick to the groin, they can make their way to the bar and enjoy a tall, cold iBeer that actually when tilted, drains out. For the designated driver of the group, the application comes in milk (soy not yet available) or water.

Kazoo

Feeling confident and somewhat tipsy off the iBeer, users can now grab for their very own kazoo to, um, impress people with? Warning: Application might have similar effect as Crazy Disco; protect groin area.

Sim Stapler

Need a moment to release some tension? Try out this stapler simulator, complete with sound effects and an endless supply of staples. Side-effects may include: loss of wages, loss of self-respect, loss of time and loss of friends, family and any chance of ever having someone that resembles a significant other.

Wooo!

Of course, after North Carolina wins the NCAA Tournament, no iPhone user would be complete without a button perfect for celebratory moments that could use an extra man exclaiming, you guessed it, “Wooo!”

Happy Bar Mitzvah! Wooo!  Congratulations, it’s a boy! Wooo! The new Harry Potter movie comes out this summer! Wooo!
But perhaps I’m being too harsh on the iPhone community. After all, technological advances are inevitable. So what if some of them are silly, time consuming and downright gratuitous and help you goof off during class.

Because let’s face it, chances are there will be an app that generates new apps. Oh, the possibilities.

Krystal Bick can be reached at kbick@nevadasagebrush.com.

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