The Nevada Sagebrush

Carmen Thomas

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the Associated Students of the University of Nevada bookstore to buy a copy of “Jane Eyre” I needed for an English class. I went to buy it begrudgingly. I already have two copies and hated to buy another one, but this text had essays that were required reading. And, of course, while browsing along the bookshelves, I saw copies of several other books I just had to have, so I took my happy self to the cashier with two new books … and the third copy of “Jane Eyre.”

I think the cashier was rude to me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was very friendly to the woman who was walking in as I walked out. When you go to a bookstore and buy books with titles like “Black Like Me” and “Fat Pig,” maybe you inadvertently offend someone.

I went through my day excited about my new books, but wondered why I didn’t actually pay that much for as many books as I bought. I looked over my receipt and realized I wasn’t charged for “Jane Eyre.”

I was thrilled. I actually didn’t buy the third copy!

I began to internalize the cashier’s rudeness and think that whatever her problem was, she was so full of piss and vinegar she didn’t even charge me. It was totally her fault.

Then I went into the moral dilemma of whether or not I should go back to pay. There was the devilish side of me saying if the cashier had been more cordial, she would have done her job correctly. The angelic side of me kept repeating the right thing to do would be to go in and pay for it.

I started thinking about desperation. It was the only thing that would keep me from doing the “right thing” and paying. Was I so desperate that $14 was worth so much?

As a single mother, I know a thing or two about desperation. I’ve scrambled on all fours scrounging together nickels, dimes and pennies to buy milk. I’ve walked out of a store without being charged for mayonnaise and kept going because that $3 would be a gallon of milk.

I don’t want to be that desperate now. Now I feel like I have everything in the world going for me. Did I really need to take two steps back in my personal growth?

I pondered it a little over the weekend and forgot about it.

When Monday morning came, I was at the Joe Crowley Student Union, using the ATM machine on the second floor right by the bookstore. The guilt got to me. I took out $20, went into the bookstore and explained to a different cashier what had happened.

As he was ringing me up, he told me I didn’t have to come back. No one would have known and no one would have blamed me. He said I was good person for coming back and that he probably wouldn’t have.

There are people who would have gone in immediately and paid for that book and there are others who wouldn’t have. I lingered between the two choices for a whole weekend. But for me, it was simply about desperation. I’m not in a place anymore where I have to scrape money together for milk. I can afford to pay for my school books.

Carmen Thomas is majoring in women’s studies and belly dancing. She plans to one day have her own glassblowing business in Hawaii. Reach her at perspectives@nevadasagebrush.com.

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