The Nevada Sagebrush

Caitlin Thomas

I should probably be honest about why I am doing this column.

Am I a mindless nymph? Perhaps. Do I have the sex drive of a 14-year-old boy going through puberty? Probably. But really, I just want to make my mother proud, and writing for a college-level publication isn’t the worst way to do so. She always thought I’d be an author when I grew into adulthood, though I leaned toward “glowing starlet” or “tabloid queen.” Mother knows best, but something tells me she won’t be putting these articles on her fridge like she does my film reviews.

Just a reminder, if you don’t want to read about the clitoris or non-breakfast table subjects, don’t worry, the Sagebrush offers many different options for you.

Don’t want to read about me buying the morning-after pill? There is a fabulous music section in the Arts and Entertainment section.

Don’t like blowjobs? Go check out how the Wolf Pack is doing in Sports. But really — if you like sports, I think you might be partial to a good BJ as well.

Allow me to introduce myself: I’m a 21-year-old female who is currently single (Holler!). And though I am currently going through a dry-spell, sex-free existence (that’s another column all together), I feel I can still write freely about love and lust. I’m one of those chicks who is always wearing leggings instead of jeans with the oversized sunglasses, like a true indie cover girl. I enjoy stretching my vocal chords, picking the guitar and allowing my fingers to grace the keys. My best friend is a gay man and I’m pretty much obsessed with my pussy … cat. Gosh, perverts! He’s a black cat and I absolutely adore him. Yes, I am that future crazy cat lady.

I’ve been in serious relationships, as well as participated in meaningless sex. I enjoy porn. I also enjoy empowerment.

This column will cover a wide range of topics from stories of premature ejaculation to pornographic analysis for all you horny observers. I plan to thrust (yes, I went there) into each topic with as much originality and comical flair as possible, combining both information and exploration.

I  plan to reach out to campus kids and distinguish what makes you all love, bitch and orgasm. Also on the agenda is unveiling the inner-most secrets from my personal life, much to the dismay of my ex-boyfriends and past lovers. Ah, yet another reason to delete me off your Facebook friends list.

It is my belief that if one writes a sex column, one should be open to mostly everything. I’m not going to censor or sugar-coat. Be aware though, disclaimers will be in action: I’m not advocating anything. I’m just some chick you don’t know, informing you of current pop culture obsessions and alluring sexcapades. No half-baked notions; I promise to keep it raw, real and arousing.  Basically, I want you to read this column then go masturbate. OK, not really, but if you want to, its totally healthy and normal.

And if you have questions or anything you’d like to discuss, I’d be glad to take them into consideration and get back with answers (or just come to The Wal on Thursday night).

In fact, I want the future to be filled with campus interaction, so if your hungry eyes catch mine, come say “Hi” and we will rejoice in the always-awkward “I think I know you from the Internet” run-in.

As a psychology major, I thrive on meeting and analyzing new people, so impress me with your wit and sex life. My promise: I’ll make you look anonymous and bad-ass. I’ll dish out what I think as well.

I’m no expert, but I am experienced.

OK, that sounded slutty.

Caitlin Thomas is a psychology major and loves listening to metal while knitting. Follow her on twitter at twitter.com/catplaysmusic or reach her at perspectives@nevadasagebrush.com.

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