The Nevada Sagebrush

Dharma Klock

Dharma Klock’s column is the third of a three-part series of columns written by student veterans. Read the first column by Seth Glass here or the column by Trevor Wojcik here.

Somewhere in my brain, memories of the war are tucked away. They mingle with the other unpleasant memories that I now laugh at, like those of losing my virginity or my ex-husband’s chronic snoring.

But the humor was not there four years ago when I came home and I explained to shocked faces that, yes, women do see combat and shoot weapons. I didn’t want to have to explain what I did or didn’t do while I was there. I just wanted help getting started with my real life. It was weird for me having people shake my hand and pay attention to me just because I went to war. It made me feel like somehow I had been inadequate my whole life until then.

I thought it was ridiculous. It made me angry.

As the years passed, I began to finally make a life that I thought seemed more selfless than anything I had ever done in the war. I ignored the significance and strength that the army and the war had given me. I passed it off as just another moment in my life. Why did everyone still want to talk to me about it?

I began working at the Veteran’s Center in a work/study position. I again had to explain, this time to Vietnam veterans, that, yes, I am a woman and I did go to war. Yet this time it didn’t make me angry. The look on their faces was different. There was no doubt or a need to further elaborate. They understood.

Because of my major in social work, I began to co-facilitate a post-traumatic stress disorder group. That is where I first heard the voices of those who had been forgotten and ignored. They were abandoned by their country and by those who did not know how to help them. I began to think about what it would be like to be muted and silenced by the country you fought for. What would you do?

Working with these Vietnam veterans taught me something that I never would have learned on my own. They taught me to be grateful. Grateful that I am alive and healthy and grateful that I can say and feel anything I want about the war I fought.

I cannot compare my experiences in the war to anything I have ever done in my life. I still see a cold bottle of water as amazing. I see war as a moment in my life that I will remember, but it will certainly not be the best thing I ever do. My fight has just begun. Instead of being a solider with a weapon, I will be in the trenches as a social worker, fighting for those who are ignored and abandoned.

To know me as a veteran is to know a veteran who can laugh and shake her head at the stuff she’s done and seen. It was so horrible sometimes, it was funny. What else can I say? The fight to stay alive lasts forever and it can be a struggle every day.

The next time you thank a veteran, wipe that sympathetic look off your face; just tell them they’re awesome and ask where they went to the bathroom or what “shit detail” is. Those stories will be endless.

Dharma Klock is studying social work. Reach her at perspectives@nevadasagebrush.com.

Related Posts:

• Army gives failing student motivation, dedication
• Veteran’s experiences parallel Reno escapades
• Age changes view of Veteran’s Day
• Virtual war games