The Nevada Sagebrush

Caitlin Thomas

What was supposed to be a regular Tuesday afternoon turned especially disgraceful when I checked my Facebook. There I was, gliding through my friends’ statuses, liking significant messages and stalking my ex-fling — just the normal routine of void when I came across something quite interesting.

Among the friend requests, page suggestions and general notifications, I saw an invite for something stimulating: “Sexual Health Week.”

I skimmed the event schedule thinking, “Oh, cool. UNR is holding condom Olympics (Feb 9) and testing for HIV, free of charge (Feb 10).”

Pretty bad-ass considering condom water balloons are an old pastime of mine and STD testing can be expensive.

However, I had a deer-in-the-headlights moment when I looked at the week’s promotion poster that practically screamed in green text, “The University of Nevada student population has more STDs than the national average. Fact.”

Take a deep breath and repeat after me, “Holy shit.”

More than the national average? Are you kidding me? It pains me to think the cute boy I pass on my way to English every morning might carry herpes. Suddenly, I started looking around campus thinking, “She could have chlamydia. He could have gonorrhea.” It really put a dent in my day. I even skipped my usual masturbation-before-sleep ritual, and that speaks volumes.

This isn’t to say I wasn’t aware of the increase in STD stats over the years. My old friend Natalie got chlamydia, not once, but twice. I learned from her mistakes and decided to be attentive in my sexual adventures.

I, Caitlin Alysabeth Thomas, am aware. I use condoms. I have been on every birth control known to man. I get an A in sexual health. But I’m also human. I’m impulsive and I’ve made mistakes, like anyone.

Sex is about moments. It’s about desire and passion. Not everyone can stop in the middle of a heated episode and slap on a condom. But what other options do we have?

We have flesh-colored, oozing, genital warts on your danger zone. We have a plethora of blood-sucking lice, quickly eating up your pubic region. We have discharge and we have death.

If that isn’t enough to have you running off to Wal-Mart for Trojans, I don’t know what is. I wish I could post an image of inflamed herpes on this column, but wishes don’t always come true.

Let it be known: It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve slept with. When we were younger we were led to believe only “promiscuous” people got STDs. That’s a lie. You could sleep with one person with HIV and contract it.

Of course, it’s a given that your chances increase with multiple partners. My mom once said, “You can be smart and slutty.” Well, maybe she didn’t phrase it exactly in that form, but the statement holds true. Just look at Samantha from Sex and the City!

Keep rubbers in your backpack, purse and bedside table. Take advantage of the free condoms in the Student Health Center. They are there for a reason! Not to mention they have a bangin’ selection at most supermarkets. Condoms vary from women’s pleasure to strawberry, providing something for everyone.

This column is a reminder to wrap it up! Kids, we have a problem here at UNR, and while it’s great we are all getting laid, it’s not splendid that we beat the national average in STD stats. Keep it safe and sexy, and I’ll see you at the Student Health Center.

Caitlin Thomas studies psychology. Reach her at perspectives@nevadasagebrush.com or formspring.me/catplaysmusic.

Related Posts:

• Use imagination, get rough to keep a love life from becoming routine
• Get warmed up for a lot of adventurous sex this summer
• Don’t take yourself, or your sex blunders, too seriously
• Ignore annoying roommates, take sex out of the bedroom
• Take your search for the opposite sex outside