The Nevada Sagebrush

I had a friend who was particularly fond of “Dungeons and Dragons” a few years back who was also unexpectedly invited to a “dungeon” party.  Naturally, he saw this as the perfect opportunity to level up his new elf wizard. You can imagine his shock when latex-clad guards greeted him with nipple clamps at the ready and fervently whisked him — staff, cape and all — into a deep, dark room decorated with other “players” who were already gagged, clamped and ready for a smackin’!

Moral of the story — when a stranger dressed in full leather invites you to a dungeon party in San Francisco, ask more questions.

If the acronym BDSM means nothing to you, chances are you are what the Bondage, Sadism and Masochism community would call a “vanilla” (or “normal” sex practicing person). So what is BDSM?

Well, if you think by pulling out the handcuffs you are crossing the lines into the land of kinkiness, just you wait!

BDSM is a type of role play that takes place between two or more individuals, which involves the use of power imbalance, pain and humiliation in order to create sexual tension, gratification and release.

Aspects of practice incorporate tactics such as bondage and discipline and dominance and submission. Essentially, in a BDSM relationship between two people, a person has dominance over the other, and this dominance is demonstrated though acts of control and more specifically by inflicting pain on the other person. Along with those handcuffs, add a choke ball, chains, whips and actual acts of violence involving any other object you can imagine. It’s straight-up kinky.

Whether or not this takes the form or appearance of sexual abuse, it is very important to know that these relationships are based on trust and consent between the two individuals, regardless to the person’s dominant (top) or submissive (bottom) position in the relationship. In addition, despite the methods used in these sexual practices, safety of all individuals is the top priority.

Couples often have a system in which they use certain code words to assure the safety of both members. Code words are often quite arbitrary, because the use of words such as “stop” or “no” tends to be reflexive or obligatory to such situations. I once met a couple that told me they used “banana split” as their code to stop role play.

Just be careful because a lot of the websites out there are slightly graphic.

Because so many are not informed, the BDSM community, like many other communities that vary from the “norm,” has become subject to prejudice. People must remember those sex-positive attitudes!

If BDSM is something that interests you, experiment a little. Make sure you are with someone you trust and maybe start small. Who knows, you may find being choked or tossed around really lights your fire. Maybe you want to do the whipping.

Vanilla is a great flavor, but don’t knock the others until you’ve tried them. Just remember: consent is required unless you want to end up behind bars.

Tarah Bowser studies psychology and plans to continue studying sex therapy.  She can be reached at opinion@nevadasagebrush.com.

Related Posts:

• Knowledge of sexual assaults likely lags behind reality
• UNR struggles to grasp scope of sexual health