by Anneliese Hucal
“Oh, my gosh, you’re so pretty. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“It’s OK honey, there’s someone for you. Just don’t wait until you’re old like me or you’re going to have to fight to get your husband to kiss you, if you know what I mean!”
I hate when a normal conversation at work turns to a sudden declaration of the fact that I’m throwing away my ability to accomplish the ultimate feat of womanhood in America — gettin’ tied down.
Life is rough sometimes, especially when every adult woman you come across wants to grill you about your relationship status. They always ask why you’re single, demand justification even though there is none and then mysteriously follow up the question with some derivative of “do you at least have a cat?”
I do have a cat actually, and he greets me at the door, walks on a leash and plays fetch, so there!
Why are we so preoccupied with needing to be attached to another? Do I have some sort of expiration date on my youth that makes it a bad thing to be 21 with no desire to be that girl who clings to a guy for dear life, basing my entire existence around him?
Is it as surprising as these women make it seem that a girl who looks like me wants nothing more than to not be like any of my old roommates, who were pathetic, codependent whiners? They literally couldn’t function alone and would get crazy if their guys didn’t answer their calls or texts right away. Everyone needs to take a shit occasionally, and they were the girls that often forgot that.
Like the boyfriends who cycled in and out of the picture while dating the various females, I like my freedom. I need to be selfish with my time sometimes, so why would I need to fill any free time I have with committing myself to a man and “preparing for marriage?” I think every relationship has compromises and sacrifices that must be made, and I don’t want to make them right now.
I love my life as a single girl. I can dress however I want. I can go wherever I want. I can drunkenly spend $30 on candy from Amazon, and, best of all, no one is going to get pissed off if I kind of flirt with the guys at the front desk of the Joe. Trenton is hot, and if I were tied down to a boyfriend, I would have a very hard time dealing with that. Hell, I don’t think I could be a sex columnist if I was obligated to only sleep with one person for an extended period of time, unless he was as adventurous as me. In that case, bring on the bane mask, dildo and handcuffs!
Why is it expected that every person out there must be in a relationship or looking to be one? Is it unfathomable that some people just want to be single and are happy being single? Of course, there are times when it would be nice to come home to someone, but those thoughts are few and far between.
That’s why I have a cellphone: to invite friends to meet me for drinks, order post-sex pizza with a sex-friend so we can hurry to pick it up and bring it back to bed and, of course, to text pictures of my butt to friends.
Being single is okay, and it’s not always permanent, so we need to stop treating it like an end-all situation. Stop shaming people, and just realize that there is a right time for everything. Maybe the right time is now, maybe it’s 30 years from now and maybe it’s never!
My point is that if you’re the type that gives too much thought to what is wrong with another person’s life path, you probably don’t realize you have your own issues that need correcting, like believing people are defined by their active physical and emotional attachment to other people.
Spend less time worrying about others’ sex lives and put more effort into figuring out what you really want in life. You’re far more likely to get laid.
Anneliese Hucal studies public relations and prelaw. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.