By Ali Schultz
The month of November brings beards, Thanksgiving and mental breakdowns. Without a doubt, November is the worst month of the entire year. I mean, what the hell is so great about November? It starts to get frigid outside, midterm grades come in (scary thought) and boys around campus become indistinguishable from cavemen. It seems like the responsibilities during this month are never-ending between bills, grades and life responsibilities.
I am sure you are all thinking I am some pessimistic princess who seeks out reasons to complain about life (not entirely true). I am just saying think about it. The only positive thing that comes to mind when thinking about the month of November is Thanksgiving, which is vastly overrated. First of all, what even is Thanksgiving? I get it, the premise behind the holiday is wonderful. I would never pass up a day with my family to eat spectacular food cooked by the one and only Mama Schultz, and to reflect on all the things I should be grateful for, such as my health, beautiful friends and family. But really, when is eating dinner at 2 p.m. acceptable when there are so many responsibilities awaiting us? Oh Ali, but set aside those worries for the football games? Not that I am a sports enthusiast by any means, but I can say I enjoy a nice pigskin game. But how in the hell am I supposed to even stay awake through a football game when it’s as if the tryptophan in the turkey is no better than taking an Ambien? Most of us are only awake for about 6 hours on Thanksgiving, so how do we really know if it’s even that great?
But it isn’t the famous sleepy meal that even starts to irk me; it is the premature beards that start to pop up everywhere. No-Shave November? Listen, I am not opposed to beards. The whole flannel hipster look boys rock isn’t something I am totally opposed to. However, if you are rocking an Al Pacino beard to the point where I can mistake some of my peers as homeless Fourth Street dwellers, then we should probably start establishing ground rules. Then of course there is the half-patchy-I-still-can’t-grow-facial-hair-but-still-want-to-try beard, which is the absolute worst.
But the absolute worst thing of all is November bringing midterm grades, class registration and the undeniable stress finals will start to bring. Midterm grades really have students feeling some type of way. I know they have me re-evaluating if I am going to pass this semester, let alone even going to graduate college. Then comes class registration. Anxiety is at an all-time high when waiting for your registration date. We can all agree there is no worse feeling than your stomach dropping when it comes time for enrollment and all your shopping cart classes are full. Don’t even get me started on the poor seniors. November is the pressured month for seniors to start making crucial life decisions. It’s time to give up Wing Wednesdays and kick-start grad school apps or the hunt for real grown-up jobs. It seems the second midterms end, professors begin handing out final exam study guides. This month seems to be a buildup of never-ending stress with little to absolutely nothing to look forward to.
November is nothing but one big countdown for December. Stores start to jam-pack their shelves with Christmas decor. This just makes everyone want to fast-forward to the Christmas festivities. It can’t come fast enough. It seems too early to listen to Christmas music, and cable TV won’t start televising Christmas classics until at least after Thanksgiving. This makes November a month of anxious anticipation, which is never fun.
Something promising to keep in mind, students, is we are only a month away from winter break, Elf being regularly televised, clean-shaven faces and a second of peace to end the year. So breathe and buckle down students. We will make it through this together.
Ali Schultz studies journalism. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @AliSchultzzz.