Stock up: The sports gods
Every once in a while the powers that be in the realm of sports smile down on us mere mortals and bestow upon us a gift beyond our comprehension. The list includes the ABA, Bo Jackson, Ed Reed’s “I’m hurt, dog!” halftime speech and Ben Wallace’s afro. Now the mighty sports deities have combined two holidays to make an epic day.
The first day of the NCAA tournament falls on St. Patrick’s Day this year and both fall on a Thursday. Starting at 9 a.m., the entire sports fan population will watch nonstop basketball on four different channels until around 9 p.m. that night and proceed to make their way downtown to drink Irish car bombs until 1 a.m. Thirsty Thursday is solid, St. Patrick’s Day is always fun and the first day of the NCAA tournament is the best day in sports. Combine them all, and it’s a sports fan’s dream. It’s moments like this that make life worth living.
Stock down: Goose Gossage
There is a real disconnect between young and old baseball fans about the unwritten rules. The older generation reveres these rules as how to conduct oneself on the field, while younger fans believe that the rules are archaic and result in a lack of personality and pizzazz in the game. This conflict reared its ugly head when former Yankee Hall of Fame pitcher Goose Gossage had an old man rant from his porch to all the younger players and how the game is today.
Gossage said that Toronto Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista was a “F****** disgrace to the game” and criticized his epic bat flip in last season’s ALDS as well as how he is embarrassing for all Latino players. Because the most memorable moment of last season is embarrassing an entire demographic of players, right? He then went on to criticize how baseball is being run by “F****** nerds” and how the ones who run the game never played. Yes, how dare those smart people use numbers and math. Guess what, Goose? Those nerds are the future. Theo Epstein never played major baseball and he’s arguably the best general manager in the game. No one is going to invest millions and millions of dollars on some guy named Buddy who used to be a bullpen catcher. Gossage will continue to be cranky and tell kids to get off his lawn while baseball leaves him in the background.
Neil Patrick Healy can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @NP_Healy.