Women aren’t obligated to save men.
There is a prehistoric notion that when a man is going through a trying time — whether it be alcoholism, drug addiction or emotional turmoil — he should look to a woman to solve his issues, like a woman could single handedly be the saving grace for whatever problems a man has created.
With the recent passing of Mac Miller on Friday, Sept. 7, Ariana Grande has been thrown back into the spotlight because of their two year relationship that ended in May. The relationship was rumored to have ended because of Miller’s drug addiction, but has never been confirmed.
After TMZ reported Miller’s death from an apparent overdose, Grande’s Instagram page was flooded with hateful comments about how their break up led to his death and how she was responsible. Grande’s Instagram comments were then disabled due to the hate she was receiving.
Grande has since made two memorial posts about Mac Miller, a photo and a video. In her tribute she wrote, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix or take your pain away. I really wanted to.”
This isn’t the first time Grande has been blamed for Mac Miller’s problems. On Wednesday, May 23, Ariana Grande tweeted a screenshot from her notes application where she responded to a fan’s accusation that she was the cause of Miller’s DUI earlier that week.
In her statement she said, “I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety & prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming / blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his [sh*t] together is a very major problem.”
Like Ariana said, blaming women for a man’s problems is overrated. Grande has been grieving over her ex-boyfriend, and should not be blamed for his death.
We have autonomy as humans, we are responsible for our own choices and decisions. You are your own person and you have all the power regarding your life.
How selfish is it that we put this heavy burden of “fixing” a man upon the strong shoulders of a woman? A woman who has her own dreams, her own goals and probably battles her own demons. But yet, she is expected to be a band aid for another human’s issues.
There are so many stories about men who love their girlfriends and wives because they “saved” them from their demons. The binge drinking stopped once he was sleeping next to this amazing woman. He didn’t want to disappoint her, so he quit his drug addiction. The list is endless and tiresome but only adds to this idea that a woman can save a man.
The argument isn’t one sided either. Men shouldn’t be obligated to save women either.
No one should be burdened with the idea that they are supposed to be stable enough to be a life vest for someone else. Taking responsibilities for your actions is part of being an adult. Shaming someone for the actions of someone else is disgusting and reflects more on you as a person.
If we continue to allow this thought that women have a sole purpose of helping a man throughout his life, we are helping push the narrative along instead of eliminating it altogether. We have to stop adding to this idea by encouraging more responsibility and autonomy for everyone.
Women aren’t on this earth to save men. They should never have to.
Opinions expressed in The Nevada Sagebrush are solely those of the author and do not necessarily express the views of The Sagebrush or of its staff. Jacey Gonzalez studies journalism. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @NevadaSagebrush.