No one wants to hear that they suck at something. No one especially wants to hear they suck at the one thing they aspire to be great in. Well, I’m sorry, revolving door in the Pennington Student Achievement Center, but you suck. You suck at being a door. I hate you so much.
The PSAC door is the campus siren, and I, like a dumb Argonaut, am constantly drawn to it’s song. The sweet promise of a fun door that spins, like in the movies set in Chicago, where every skyscraper locks away their secrets behind a sacred revolving door. Yet, every single time I try to enter through it, the PSAC door disappoints me. It gets stuck, often. Randomly halting to a stop leaving you trapped with no exit on either side. It revolves at a speed that is both too slow and too fast. It also can barely fit two people inside at once comfortably, despite being massive. I can not think of a positive experience I have ever had with this door, and from talking to others I do not feel alone in my ire.
Sometimes I wonder how it was even possible to make a door so bad at being a door. Why is it the way that it is? Did no one test it out and say, “This door sucks, let’s think up a new one before it becomes the focal entryway of our shiny new student center”? It must be like that on purpose, but it is a purpose I can not figure out. It obviously isn’t efficient, but maybe it was made to be accessible? That would make sense, if the door was not awful. It has various buttons on it that in theory slow it down or something, but they just make it more jerky and less responsive. This lack of responsiveness and its trademark desire to just randomly stop-and-go means going through the door isn’t exactly easy on crutches or in a wheelchair—something I witnessed during my many times stuck in the door.
What is most baffling about this architectural choice is I thought we had already perfected door technology with the double automatic sliding door. They are sleek, are hands-free, open easily and can let multiple people in at a time. Why does the Walmart on Second Street have a better entryway than our student center? It may only be a door, but it is also an embarrassment to the campus as a whole.
I am not asking for much, just that the door be demolished immediately. I will dance on its grave. Or, at the very least, remove it and let it play O-lineman for the Wolf Pack, as it’s definitely proven to be skilled at blocking people.
Vincent Rendon can be reached a firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @VinceSagebrush.