I like money. Money buys me food, an education, a roof over my head, clothes on my back and even frozen yogurt.

Ah, college. This is the beginning of a journey into young adulthood. The umbilical cord has officially been cut and you’ve been tossed into the deep end of a pool without any floaties.
As exhilarating and informative as freshman orientation is, here are a few nuggets of wisdom to help you survive the college social scene.
First [...]

Dear City of Las Vegas,
Let’s be honest, can I be honest? Things just aren’t working out—we both knew this was coming, so don’t act as if you’re surprised. It’s time to be real.

Alcohol: The solution to and the cause of so many of our problems.

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. You’ve heard it, I’ve heard it, we’ve all heard it.

Might I suggest we make a real investment in campus security and buy our professors AK-47s that they can hoist around as they teach?

All of us know how chubby of a country we’ve become but what many of us may not know is how we got to where we are today. After all, one in three Americans didn’t just plump up beyond a 30 body mass index overnight. It takes many years of superfluous nourishment to reach our level of corpulence.

Terror.

That would be the word to describe it. Terror was the expression she wore on her face as she pulled her infant son closer to her side.

I doubt she even knew the funny looking “E” on my chest was actually a Sigma, and the “O” with the superimposed “I” was actually a Phi. But it didn’t matter. All she knew was that I was a frat boy – that I haze my pledges, mistreat women and, in my free time, drink beer and do keg stands until I puke on my shoes.

Next time someone asks how you are, tell them how you’re feeling. Give them an honest response. Judging from their body language and facial expressions while you answer their question, you’ll be able to tell instantaneously whether or not they really give a damn and if there’s actually a capacity of having a meaningful relationship with that person.

Sports, camaraderie, leadership opportunities and the ever-so-invaluable social and professional networking. Ah yes, the benefits of joining a Greek house. But let’s not kid ourselves: One of the top reasons that motivates a man to become a Greek is the Greek women.

But hold it, pledge. The path to a sorority girl’s heart is a journey full of treacherous obstacles, enduring socials and altruistic philanthropies. You are the Spartan warrior outside the gates of Troy, and there is an army of sorority women standing between you and your Helen. Plus, the women have undoubtedly dealt with Spartans like you before.