I want a little sticker on my porno that tells me no porn stars were harmed, treated unethically, forced to perform acts against their will or drugged during the production of said media (kind of like the stamp for free-range chicken eggs at the store).

Men should fake their orgasms.

I watched “What Women Want” starring Mel Gibson. Before his character and Lola (Marisa Tomei) have sex, she thinks to herself, “Just do it already so I can start faking it. Is Britney Spears on Leno tonight?”

Watching porn is my favorite pastime next to participating in politics. When “Hustler” thought to combine the two, I couldn’t wait to watch “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin.” But so far it turned out to be a pretty lame video.

Here’s a question from one of our readers. If you have any follow-up questions or other sex questions, e-mail the address at the end of this column. Everything is strictly confidential.

As compensation for centuries of oppression, God allowed women several ways to enjoy multiple orgasms. Meanwhile, men get two ways to enjoy sex and one makes you gay in society’s eyes.

What the hell, God? What the hell?

Strippers used to be interactive porn, according to my girlfriend Scarlett, and I used to be a normal guy who loved naked women. Then Scarlett voluntarily went to a strip club and strippers turned into slaves of men’s wallets and I turned into a vile, slimy part of the misogynistic machine.

“Hit me!” — “What?” — “Seriously, hit me!” — Smack. — “Not like that, you wussy, really hit me!”

If you’re sick of the topless, 21-only bars in Reno, the all-nude, 18 plus strip clubs in Las Vegas are a compelling reason to go see the most important football game of the year.

In case you’re not sure how Las Vegas clubs measure up, I went to Las Vegas a few weeks ago to compare and contrast. Here are the results.

My neighbors often complain about how loud my sex is and asked I put a pillow over my girlfriends face - in jest. So I did, and she liked it.

Our first step toward better communication is the installation of a new, immersive forum on nevadasagebrush.com. Here, anyone can build a small profile and start a topic about anything: life, sex, movies, hair, booze, etc.

Three earthquakes from a 3.0 to a 4.2 magnitude struck the Somersett and Mogul area Thursday afternoon, shaking up the university and Reno area.

The first earthquake happened at 3:47 p.m. with a 4.1 magnitude followed by a 3.0 and the 4.2 at 3:55 p.m., according to the United State Geological Survey in Northern California and the University of Nevada, Reno Seismology Laboratory.

Looking for a roommate or furniture or want to get rid of a roommate or furniture before you move out? Visit “The Exchange” at Inside UNR and bring back the barter system. Post your items in the appropriate category and wait for someone who has what you need - or is willing to take your stuff - and strike a deal.

Four months after the Joe Crowley Student Union open, it added 30 new recycling bins for glass, plastic and aluminum during spring break, increasing The Joe’s overall “green”-friendly construction.

Add a dash of communication to education with a pinch of action to create an active environmental college according to environmentalists on campus at the University of Nevada, Reno.

Brand new iMac computers, Adobe Creative Suite 3, new furniture and proximity to campus defines a new era for your student newspaper.