Oh you straight boys, how easy you have it. All you have to do is say the perfect jokes, grin and already I’ve imagined what our future will be.

I don’t mean to scare you away. I’m just being honest. For some damned blasted reason, I, P.B. Russell, do declare that I could be in love with just about all of you. That is, of course, if you were all my type.

This has been a rough year for the University of Nevada, Reno.

On January 20, 2009, we will usher in a new president of the United States, hopefully marking the end of the “nu-cu-lar” era.

No, I’m not referring to nuclear proliferation or nuclear energy. I’m simply talking about the pronunciation of the word “nuclear.”

For eight long years, we had to endure the mispronunciation of the word nuclear. I remember several years ago being shocked when I heard President George W. Bush say the word, which he pronounced “new-cyoo-ler.”

“Eight months in and the confusion remains.”

The other day, I watched an interview that Gov. Sarah Palin did with Alaskan television channel KTUU. In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, it was conducted at a poultry slaughterhouse.

The entire three-minute video is difficult to watch. I couldn’t even tell you what Palin was talking about because the man behind her, “Lumberjack Grim Reaper,” steals the show, lifting each turkey upside down into what looks like a funnel, before their bodies start to wildly wriggle.

Men should fake their orgasms.

I watched “What Women Want” starring Mel Gibson. Before his character and Lola (Marisa Tomei) have sex, she thinks to herself, “Just do it already so I can start faking it. Is Britney Spears on Leno tonight?”

We have less than a month left before winter vacation. I am already excited to go back to Japan and cannot wait for Christmas.

However, this year, I have one more exciting event before the winter vacation — Thanksgiving.

I am writing this week’s column in response to last week’s anti-cyclist article by Emily Katseanes.

I’m a nice person – I just have one teensy problem.

I get irritated when people make hasty generalizations about groups of people and subsequently feel the need to spread their message of disdain.

University officials should be realistic in regards to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving - not by canceling class but by showing leniency in attendance.

We believe that the University of Nevada, Reno Police Department routinely fails to meet federal requirements in reporting crime.

According to the federal Jeanne Clery Act, all university police services need to have a public log of all crimes reported to them “within two business days of the initial report being made to the department or a campus security authority.”

How far would you go for your education?

If given the choice, would you choose school or food? I’m sure there are plenty of people out there sacrificing meals to make ends meet. After all, the joke about college kids surviving on Ramen noodles didn’t originate from nowhere.

But when it becomes impossible to pay for both, what do we do? Take a semester off school to earn some money. Or, worst case scenario, drop out of college entirely.

I am a firm believer in showers. Preferably one takes one daily, but I can understand the once every other day, load up on deodorant route on occasion.

Because God knows, there is nothing worse than a dirty hippie. Especially a dirty hippie exercising their First Amendment rights. Ew.

This is why, my friends, we must end this nonsense about writing letters to the Nevada System of Higher Education about budget cuts.

University of Nevada, Reno officials announced Monday at an open budget cut meeting that restrooms will be joining the ranks of affected university programs facing the financial chopping block.

With recent university initiatives to cut less useful programs, officials voted unanimously in favor of charging for the use of campus restrooms, in hopes to help offset the budget shortfall.

The adage “If you have something to say, say it to my face” was good advice in preschool and it still applies.

While I’m not fan of Gov. Sarah Palin and I’m not shocked to hear accusations that she’s an idiot, the decision of McCain aides to anonymously leak these “stories” to the press is the height of cowardice.

• Big break for 'model' student
• Students question provost on budget cuts
• 25 percent tuition increase unlikely
• Audio Slideshow: First-generation student graduates
• Denison’s suspected killer arrested
• ‘Daisies’ gets a premature burial
• Dec. 3, 2008 - Provost Marc Johnson answers student questions
• First-generation students face extra barriers in college
• Williams gives Pack post presence
• 'Bolt' saves the holiday

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• Big break for 'model' student
• Students question provost on budget cuts
• 25 percent tuition increase unlikely
• Audio Slideshow: First-generation student graduates
• Denison’s suspected killer arrested
• ‘Daisies’ gets a premature burial
• Dec. 3, 2008 - Provost Marc Johnson answers student questions
• First-generation students face extra barriers in college
• Williams gives Pack post presence
• 'Bolt' saves the holiday

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