Christmas is finally upon us and it couldn’t have come any later. Just when you thought you had rid yourself of those consumeristic tendencies, 2016 happened. It’s been quite the year, to say the least. Hardships were had around the world, from bombings in Syria to mass shootings in the U.S. Let’s not forget the countless celebrity deaths either; the number of modern-day saints we have lost this year is astounding.
To rid ourselves of such horrid and ghastly realities we only have to delve into the realm of pomp and splendor. Of course, I’m speaking of the neoliberal/Christian holiday in which followers of the faith celebrate the birth of their prophet: Jesus Christ.
What better way to not only assert your market power as an individual but also shape your image as an autonomous individual with the wide array of products at your disposal this holiday season? Don’t worry if you’re a follower of a different religion, or consider yourself a mighty secularist, those who do celebrate will spend enough money this season to account for your market power and then some.
So to truly set the season off right, you have to know what the special gifts this year are for your family, your friends and your loved ones, so as to show them that the unreturned text messages weren’t perpetrated on purpose.
This list will only have presents that are available to the average college student based on price. It just seems unfair to prescribe something that is unaffordable, this is Christmas after all.
The Fitbit has taken the middle class by storm in the past year, some economists say even more than the recession. And it only takes a little digging to see why.
This piece of wearable tech has revolutionized how people exercise by allowing them to set goals for themselves to achieve. The wristwatch-style equipment tracks your every habit, day and night. It knows when you’re jogging vs. running, it knows when you sleep and it knows when you slack. Basically, it’s an unfeeling trainer who will not bend to your agony like a human would.
This is the perfect thing to get for somebody who already has one. By gifting a newer version to someone who already has one, you not only fulfill the present ceremony, but you won’t offend them by getting them health equipment because they undeniably already use something like it.
The physical version of Instagram. A return to the material world. Splendidly spontaneous. This list of descriptions for this particular line of instant cameras is seemingly endless.
This little gadget is basically a polaroid camera with a sleek exterior and a cult following. The camera immediately spits out a one of a kind, physical photograph. This camera is a nostalgia-ridden resurfacing of 1980s culture.
This is the perfect gift for the pioneering millennial in your gift group. Not only is it incredibly unique, it also comes in a variety of colors so they won’t mix up which camera is theirs among their friends’ cameras. The best part will be seeing pictures of pictures on their Instagram accounts.
The age old invention of money has left people for centuries wondering how the heck to not only acquire more by any means, but also how to fashionably store it on their person.
Wallets have come a long way in recent years. No longer is there such need for a clunky billfold in the wallet, just enough slots for the multitude of credit cards and punch cards people accumulate throughout their lives.
This holiday season, grab a wallet for somebody you love because nothing says “I’m thinking about your fiscal standing” like the gift of a wallet. Seeing them whip that beautiful little strip of fabric or animal flesh out of their pockets will be all the gratification you need.
These are the ultimate accessory for anyone who wishes to become an enterprising cool guy. They come in the coolest colors, they have one of the best rappers of all times behind them and they have incredible brand power.
These headphones were specifically designed by Dr. Dre himself, who everyone knows to be an expert at rap and music. Knowing this, it’s no wonder so many people proclaim how wonderful Beats sound. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that there are better headphones because that’s crazy.
Do your family member or friend a favor and buy them these little gems. Give them the special instruction of sliding them on whenever someone says that Beats suck, this way they’ll drown out the haters and be able to hear the crisp voice of Drake through the best headphones money can buy.
The only thing cooler than a coffee mug is coffee itself. Coffee, for many, is the life-sustaining drug fed to us from a young age to keep productivity up and sleep at arm’s length.
That being said, a mug lasts much longer than coffee. So when shopping for a gift for someone, make sure you consider the humble coffee mug. This receptacle for the hot bean beverage could end up being a crucial aspect of somebody’s personality so choose wisely.
You might be surprised at how many options there are for mugs. You’ve got the travelers, the big ones, the little ones, the plain and of course the mugs with witty sayings. Try to choose a mug that reflects the person’s character. The best way is to get a mug with one of their favorite pop-culture icons, this way you not only show that you get them, but that you REALLY get them.
#6 Gift cards
Aside from forking over some actual cash, a gift card is the best way to give somebody a gift which is tantamount to a shrug. But sometimes you’re up against the wall, it’s Dec. 23 and you’re all out of options for the last few people on your list.
The best you can do sometimes is get somebody a piece of plastic with practically no worth other than at the store it’s from. That’s OK, just make sure that you get it from a store the person is likely to shop at.
This present almost has no upsides. When you hand it over, the receiver will probably internally scoff while on the outside their fake smile will only cement how little effort put into the gift. And just imagining them using it only makes the situation worse, because they’ll most likely have to spend money since the gift card most likely won’t cover the whole of the purchase.
So there it is, a list for the college Christmas shopper. Enjoy your holidays.