Thanksgiving: a time of year when family, food and unsolicited opinions all come together in a chaotic blend that tests even the most level headed among us. For those of us who fall more on the “hot mess” end of the spectrum, it’s a high-stakes game of dodgeball where every dodge-worthy question or comment comes from a well-meaning (yet oblivious) family member. Fear not, dear readers—I’ve got you covered with this Thanksgiving survival guide. Pour yourself a glass of wine (or three), and let’s dive in.
1. The Dreaded Partner Question
“Are you seeing anyone?” It’s like a rite of passage for family gatherings, as inevitable as the turkey. If you’re single, you’re bound to get this question more than once. It doesn’t matter if you broke up, got ghosted or are just living your best life solo; Aunt Martha has never been one to take a hint. When faced with this, you have options:
- Option 1: Smile and say, “I’m dating myself right now.” You get a laugh, and hopefully they’ll move on.
- Option 2: Play the mystery card. “I’m just keeping my options open,” you say with a wink, which makes everyone deeply uncomfortable.
- Option 3: Hit them with the Thanksgiving is for Family line and emphasize how nice it is to be surrounded by people who love you unconditionally…especially since dating apps don’t.
2. Explaining Your Career to Relatives Who Don’t Get It
If you’re in a job that’s anything outside the traditional, get ready to explain what you do in excruciating detail. It’s exhausting, but Aunt Linda won’t stop asking until she understands why being an “opinion columnist” or “arts and entertainment editor” doesn’t mean you’re booking parties.
- The Key: Simplify, simplify, simplify. Try this: “I write stories about people and events that make life interesting.”
- Or for Fun: “Oh, you know, just trying to make the world a better place, one article at a time.” (Cue the heartfelt nods and look of sudden pride.)
3. The Passive-Aggressive Comment About Your Life Choices
Thanksgiving is prime time for comments about every questionable life choice you’ve ever made. Somehow, Grandma remembers that tattoo you got in college, and Uncle Rob brings up your freshman-year nose ring phase. Be prepared for the snark.
- The Plan: Politely deflect. Say something like, “I think I turned out okay,” and immediately compliment Grandma’s pie. You’ll get them off track faster than they can recall your “rebellious” stage.
- If All Else Fails: “Well, it could be worse—remember that time cousin Anthony dyed his hair neon green?” A little deflection never hurts.
4. The Annual Debate About Your Dietary Preferences
If you’re vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free or in any way non-traditional in your eating habits, Thanksgiving is your Everest. There’s always that one relative who takes it personally and acts as if you’re rejecting their entire cooking legacy. “You’re skipping my famous turkey? But I made it just for you!”
- Tip: Bring a side dish to share that meets your dietary needs but is so delicious that everyone loves it. Then, subtly win them over with a new perspective.
- Or Get Cheeky: “Oh, I’m just trying to live a long, healthy life so I can keep coming to Thanksgiving.”
5. The Curious Inquisition About Your Finances
Because nothing says “family bonding” like a casual interrogation about your income, rent situation or student loans. This always comes at the worst time, like when you’re mid-bite on a forkful of stuffing.
- The Shortcut: “I’m working hard, and that’s all that matters!” and quickly pivot to, “Has anyone tried the sweet potato casserole yet?”
- Or The Reversal: “Well, what’s your secret to success?” This throws it back on them, and boom—you’re out of the hot seat.
6. “So, What Are You Thankful For?”
The toast. The moment of gratitude. Sure, it sounds lovely, but when you’re scrambling to come up with something that won’t lead to more questions, it can feel like walking through a minefield.
- The Classic: “I’m thankful for all of you.” (Insert a smile that says please don’t ask any more questions).
- Or The Bold Move: “I’m thankful for each and every moment of my chaotic life, because it’s taught me how to survive every Thanksgiving.” (Your mom will look at you funny, but it’s worth it).
7. The Pressure to Be More Together Than You Are
Thanksgiving has a way of reminding us that we don’t have everything figured out. Just know this: you’re not alone. The cousins who look like they’re thriving probably fought over who would bring the green beans. The parents might not admit it, but they’re just as stressed. So be kind to yourself. Pour another glass. Laugh off the cringe-worthy moments. And if all else fails? Remember, there’s pie.
Thanksgiving is messy, emotional, and full of people you’d die for—people who somehow make it impossible to sit through a single dinner without an existential crisis. Lean into the chaos, because one day, you’ll look back and laugh (or, more likely, write an article about it, but maybe that’s just me). Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow hot messes out there, and if you don’t celebrate enjoy the day off. Remember: you got this.
Confessions of a Hot Mess is a candid and relatable column by Emily Hess, where she dives into the highs and lows of navigating college life and your twenties. Through personal stories about boys, friendships, love and family, COHM unpacks the messy, beautiful chaos of growing up. From heartbreaks and betrayals to moments of self-discovery, she offers an honest look at the challenges and triumphs that come with this transformative time in life. Each week, readers can expect raw insights, witty anecdotes and reflections on the messy process of becoming.
Confessions of a Hot Mess is the personal work of Emily Hess. The opinions expressed in this column, as well as those published in The Nevada Sagebrush, are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sagebrush or its staff. Hess is a student at the University of Nevada studying journalism. She can be reached at emilyhess@sagebrush.unr.edu and on Twitter @emilyghess3.
