This Halloween, forget the vampires and the werewolves; the scariest thing lurking in the shadows is the ghost that haunts your text messages, leaving you high and dry without an explanation for why they disappeared into thin air.
It starts with texting everyday. The “good mornings,” “good nights” and the occasional “how’s your day?” make it seem as if they are serious and want to potentially build something with you. This back-and-forth gets you emotionally attached to them and the idea of the relationship.
But then, on a random Tuesday, you realize you have been left on delivered for 48 hours. Just like that, they have vanished like a ghost in the night.
Getting ghosted is possibly one of the worst feelings, because that person tricked you into thinking there was a possibility of having a relationship. Ghosting is essentially a manipulation tactic in which someone plays with your feelings and then leaves as if they were never there. They made it seem as if they were interested by giving you attention and making themselves available for you, just to make the sudden decision that they are done.
After the initial ghosting, you will replay every text or interaction you had with this person, trying to find a reason to blame yourself. It will begin with re-reading old text messages, trying to find where things went wrong, and when you don’t find anything, you will resort to replaying each interaction you had with them and question: “Was I not enough for them?”
During this time of spiral, you’ll start to wonder what you could’ve possibly done to make them ghost you in the first place. You will become addicted to finding an answer, and that could lead you to stalking their Instagram or checking their Snap score to see how much it has gone up. Even after they vanish, they will haunt your mind like a brain-eating bacteria as you replay each conversation, searching for an answer that may never be found.
One thing to remember while talking to someone: never get attached to someone who has not committed to you.
By knowing and doing this, it helps avoid that hurt that can come if that person decides they no longer want to pursue the connection, and hopefully the loss will just roll right off of you. Honestly, nothing is more powerful than realizing getting ghosted isn’t the end of the world. Let them take the easy way out by disappearing; you’re moving on from someone who couldn’t even send a text.
It is important to remind yourself that you are important and you matter, and just because someone can’t see that doesn’t mean your value decreases. It can be easy to degrade yourself and fall into a slump because someone is not mature enough to tell you how they feel head-on. But remember, it is always their loss, never your loss – because you can’t lose something you never had.
This Halloween, remember that there are scarier things than a vampire or people dressed up in scary costumes. Sometimes, the scariest of them all is the ghost that haunts your phone, leaving you on delivered for multiple hours with a million unanswered questions.
One moment you are kicking your feet and smiling at your phone, then you’re checking their Snap score like it is your full-time job. We’ve all been there, but here’s your reminder that you shouldn’t have to guess if someone is interested in you. If they leave you guessing and wondering, then you already have your answer, and you have the green light to stop letting them live rent-free in your head.
