As a college student, who doesn’t love free stuff? The Red Bull people wandering campus with their backpacks, the DoorDash tables with food you only need to scan a QR code for, and the Health Center with baskets of condoms…
Now why do you think the HEALTH center is handing out free condoms? Well, don’t think too hard. It’s because 1/3 men here have chlamydia and 3/3 men will hit without a condom.
Okay, don’t quote me on these “statistics,” but I might not be exaggerating.
You know the thing men do since, like, forever, the wallet condom? The one condom guys will keep in their wallet (because you know they don’t carry cash) from age 14 to, realistically, college.
Yeah, that condom got used the first Thursday of the school year after an Uber ride from West Second to Argenta. And if it didn’t… that condom is at least five years old.
So now here you are. Your roommate is out for the night, or you had one too many tang bangs at Tonic, or you added that one Nevada football player back on Snapchat (pro-tip: check his stats first); whatever your situation is, you’re alone with someone, lights off, clothes off.
Then two options come into play, you can: A. Say ‘screw it’, do the deed, spend $65 on DoorDashing a Plan B and pray, or B. Open your desk drawer, grab a condom from the handful you took at the Health Center, and go to sleep knowing whatever that was doesn’t have to be your issue in the morning.
I don’t know, maybe option A sounds just fine to you, and that’s fine! But when you start itching after taking home the solid 6 you watched karaoke Mr. Brightside at The Library… you might wish you used option B.
Regret is more than just the hangxiety talking. Regret is also spending $50+ on a Health Center STD test instead of $0 on a bag full of ribbed, flavored, or x-large (if you’re lucky) condoms.
